I'm still alive

as I sit in the dark room nursing my youngest son with the beauty of what Allah has given him through me
I get sweeps away with the darkness of the grave, the cold soil through the perfectly white sheets which are drawn over me.
I feel this intense suffocation and worry for what is to come next. the unbearable squeeze of the walls of this dark hole has now become my abode.
I try to scream but there is no one to calm my suffering.
I did this, I have created my own hell from the sins I committed upon the earth I roamed so freely not so long ago.
I feel the scorpions tale brush against my face. the snakes wrapping around my arms and legs.
I have become a prisoner of my own deeds.
I try hard to break away from the griped of the chains, but to no avail I can not break free.
Oh how I wish I could walk the earth one more time, just once so I can worship my Lord how He should be.
I open my eyes to see I'm still alive in the dark room nursing my youngest son with the beauty of what Allah has given him through me.
I'm still alive.