So the title may catch your attention in thinking I am in a pologomist relationship however as you will soon find out it's my journey to accepting and submitting to Allah.
It all began when I was in my 20s when I was learning about Islam. I was told about islam allowing 4 wives and the necessary right on the woman in these types of marriages. I was shocked and I remember saying "I cant be a muslim because I dont believe in these types of marriages" but was then refuted with my own beliefs at the time which was Christianity that in the religion I had followed all my life believed in not only polygamy but that a man could have as many as he wanted!!
Well you could imagine my thoughts... What do I do now? I put that part behind with out actually accepting it heartily. I became a Muslim and on and off struggled with this idea. I was with someone at that time that really made polygamy look bad in fact it was one of the main reasons for our relationship problems and the fact I had gone from abaya and hijab to nothing much on... the sad reality was this idea was taking me farther and farther away from Islam as I was fed a lie that it was for man to be able to do whatever he wanted when I was to remain faithful.
It ripped my spirituality apart. I then divorced who I was with not just due to that fact there was many factors in the divorce that was absolutely neccessary.
My first encounter with this again was when I was outside waiting for a ride when a man came to talk to me and gave me a proposal to help me and my children out but there was a catch in which he didn't want his wife to find out... ya right! It got me thinking though that this might be what I was going to face if I ever wanted to marry again as I was divorced and have 3 kids. And with all honestly it was something I was accepting of at that point to not be first wife but the second is better (I'm sure you can conclude to why). I rejected the proposal in silence.
It all began when I was in my 20s when I was learning about Islam. I was told about islam allowing 4 wives and the necessary right on the woman in these types of marriages. I was shocked and I remember saying "I cant be a muslim because I dont believe in these types of marriages" but was then refuted with my own beliefs at the time which was Christianity that in the religion I had followed all my life believed in not only polygamy but that a man could have as many as he wanted!!
Well you could imagine my thoughts... What do I do now? I put that part behind with out actually accepting it heartily. I became a Muslim and on and off struggled with this idea. I was with someone at that time that really made polygamy look bad in fact it was one of the main reasons for our relationship problems and the fact I had gone from abaya and hijab to nothing much on... the sad reality was this idea was taking me farther and farther away from Islam as I was fed a lie that it was for man to be able to do whatever he wanted when I was to remain faithful.
It ripped my spirituality apart. I then divorced who I was with not just due to that fact there was many factors in the divorce that was absolutely neccessary.
My first encounter with this again was when I was outside waiting for a ride when a man came to talk to me and gave me a proposal to help me and my children out but there was a catch in which he didn't want his wife to find out... ya right! It got me thinking though that this might be what I was going to face if I ever wanted to marry again as I was divorced and have 3 kids. And with all honestly it was something I was accepting of at that point to not be first wife but the second is better (I'm sure you can conclude to why). I rejected the proposal in silence.
I started getting over a lot of my issues I had faced and met someone real special who I am now married to him. I dont want to say it was all him who helped me on this path to polygamy because it was Allah who knew that all those years I never left wanting to accept it all even when it was the hardest times in my life.
My husband helped me realise that I could face this part of Islam and feel secure that he wasnt wanting it and I was the only one. So I faced it as hard as it was I spent days in silence thinking about it. I knew intellectually the reasons and I could come to terms with them by reason but my heart was not allowing it to be penetrated with the idea of it for myself.
Now I'm still on this journey but I have come so far from not accepting it at all to accepting it.
Men sometimes like to use the idea of this for their own lustful desires but it has been the teachings of all our imams (AS) and prophet Muhammad (sawa) so what was the sunnah? Well they lowered their eyes took woman on who sometimes was widowed, divorced, barren and ones from other tribes to join the relationship between them. They looked after them and treated them with so much care that even when they had not a good wife they still treated them kind and tried to direct them to Allah.
Biggest issue for us woman on this subject is the fact that we dont think that we are beautiful and the husband wants someone better. Why we think that is because part is society has made us feel very insecure about ourselves and another part is the man has not shown polygamy in it correctly and beautiful way of life. We need to work on submitting and if we cant fully accept, then be patient about it, find intellectual reasons and work on loving yourself. Our brothers need to work on lowering their gaze and making his wife feel special. After this when she's secure with you she can think freely of Allah's halal.
May Allah swt help us all on this journey that even if your husband doesn't want this marriage that you can accept it with your full heart. Ameen.
My husband helped me realise that I could face this part of Islam and feel secure that he wasnt wanting it and I was the only one. So I faced it as hard as it was I spent days in silence thinking about it. I knew intellectually the reasons and I could come to terms with them by reason but my heart was not allowing it to be penetrated with the idea of it for myself.
Now I'm still on this journey but I have come so far from not accepting it at all to accepting it.
Men sometimes like to use the idea of this for their own lustful desires but it has been the teachings of all our imams (AS) and prophet Muhammad (sawa) so what was the sunnah? Well they lowered their eyes took woman on who sometimes was widowed, divorced, barren and ones from other tribes to join the relationship between them. They looked after them and treated them with so much care that even when they had not a good wife they still treated them kind and tried to direct them to Allah.
Biggest issue for us woman on this subject is the fact that we dont think that we are beautiful and the husband wants someone better. Why we think that is because part is society has made us feel very insecure about ourselves and another part is the man has not shown polygamy in it correctly and beautiful way of life. We need to work on submitting and if we cant fully accept, then be patient about it, find intellectual reasons and work on loving yourself. Our brothers need to work on lowering their gaze and making his wife feel special. After this when she's secure with you she can think freely of Allah's halal.
May Allah swt help us all on this journey that even if your husband doesn't want this marriage that you can accept it with your full heart. Ameen.
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